“Operation”– she pauses and waggles her eyebrows for dramatic effect “Tessa's One True Love Story!”
I look away from her excited face, trying to shoo away the disappointment.
“I already know I have to write love stories again,” I say, keeping my tone lighter than I feel. “I mean, thank you. I appreciate you trying. But putting the word ‘operation' in front of it isn't going to magically make it happen.”
“No, you're not getting it,” she says patiently. “We are going to create your real-life love story, so you can start writing love stories again.”
That stumps me. “What?” [...]
“We need to find you a lover,” she says, not missing a beat. “You need to experience love, so you can write about it again. And I'm talking making out in the rain, sneaking out of the house, getting busy in the car because you can't stand to wait any longer. All of that stuff!”
“All of those things have happened in my stories…”
“Exactly. Where do you think I got the examples from? But the well is dry, Tess. That's why you can't write! I'm sure of it! And you just need something real to draw from, so you can start writing again. What do they say… write what you know? You need to know more, so you can write more!”
I let myself dream for a moment. My own happily ever after doesn't sound so bad.
“Now, let's get back to your hot writer suitor.” “Not suitor – acquaintance!” Even that is probably an exaggeration. What do I call someone who I stare at longingly from afar? Who probably doesn't even know I exist?
“Okay, but awesome,” Caroline continues, undeterred. “Every love story starts somewhere. This is even better. I only said Sam because I thought maybe you liked him, which would totally be okay if you did. But to tell you the truth, I'm kinda glad that you don't, because we don't need your first boyfriend having a Hawaiian shirt addiction.”
“Yeah, yeah,” I say, but it makes me feel sort of guilty, because his shirts really aren't that bad when you get used to them. “So, Tessa and Nico. I like the sound of that.
Now I might need to reformulate my plan with this new development…”
“Mmm-hmm,” I say, nodding my head seriously and pretending to take notes. Her annoyed face makes me burst into giggles.
“Yeah, you laugh now, but you just watch. Boom, I'm going to make you and Nico fall in love, and then, bam, you're going to start writing again.” She punches her fist out to accentuate her points.
“This all sounds very violent.”
“Not at all,” she says, and grabs a sheet of paper off the floor
“So, are you ready to hear what I have so far? Prepare yourself.” I laugh and shake my head.
“Sure.”
“Okay, first, you gotta be clumsy. Clumsiness is a classic romance heroine characteristic. Spill a drink on him, fall down some steps, get hit by a car – preferably his, and at a low speed – and he's going to be allllll yours.” She looks up and sees my wide eyes, but then apparently decides to keep going.
“And I know it doesn't rain there much, but it's essential that you and Nico get caught in the rain together. So keep an eye on the weather report. And we need to orchestrate a one-bed situation somehow. Do you have any leads on that?” She looks up again, face still completely sincere. How long did it take her to come up with this shtick?
“Yeah, and maybe we can get stuck in an elevator too,” I snort. Caroline's eyes light
up at that.
“Yes! I saw when I was doing my research last night that there was one on your campus! And you could just, like, push the emergency button when he's not looking or something. It's like a guaranteed nonstop trip to love town from there!” I blink a few times, waiting for her to finally laugh, maybe do some finger guns, and exclaim, “I got you!”. But her face remains earnest and open. This isn't a joke. This is her real plan.
“Caroline.” I start slowly, carefully. “You don't… you can't seriously think this will work. I mean, did you just stay up watching a bunch of romantic comedies and write down all the tropes you could find?” “No,” she says, sounding offended. “I left out a makeover 'cause you already look good.”
I groan, but I can't help but smile. “Okay, but, seriously…”
“Seriously.” She cuts me off. “I know it seems a little crazy, but I really think this might work for you, Tessa. I mean, even if you and Nico don't fall in love – which, trust me, I think you will, if even half of the things I have planned happen – it will give you some new ideas”.