I was born on Ngurambang – can you hear it? – Ngu–ram–bang. If you say it right it hits
the back of your mouth and you should taste blood in your words. Every person around
should learn the word for country in the old language, the first language – because that is
the way to all time, to time travel! You can go all the way back. [...]
It was my wife, Elsie, who bought me the first dictionary. I think she knew she was
planting a seed, germinating something inside me when she did that. What a companion
the dictionary is – there are stories in that book that'll knock your boots off. To this day it
remains my prized possession, and I wouldn't trade it for all the tea in China.
The dictionary from Elsie is why I'm writing it down – it was my introduction
to the idea of recording, written just like the Reverend once wrote the births and baptisms
at the Mission, like the station manager wrote rations at the Station, and just like the ma'ams
and masters
wrote our good behavior at the Boys' Home – a list of words any fool can look
up and be told the meaning. A dictionary, even if this language isn't mine alone, even if
it's something we grow into and then, living long enough, shrink away from. I am writing
because the spirits
are urging me to remember, and because the town needs to know that
I remember, they need to know now more than ever before.
To begin – but there are too many beginnings for us Gondiwindi – that's what we were
bestowed and cursed with by the same shifty magic – an eternal Once upon a time. The story
goes that the church brought time to us, and the church, if you let it, will take it away.
I'm writing about the other time, though, deep time. This is a big, big story. The big stuff
goes forever, time ropes and loops and is never straight, that's the real story of time.
The problem now facing my own Once upon a time is that Doctor Shah from the High
Street Surgery has recently given me a filthy bill of health – cancer of the pancreas – which
is me done and dusted.
So, because they say it is urgent, because I've got the church time against me, I'm taking
pen to paper to pass on everything that was ever remembered.
All the words I found on the wind. [...]
yarran tree, spearwood tree, or hickory acacia – yarrany The dictionary is not just
words – there are little stories in those pages too. After years with the second great book,
I figured out the best way to read it. First time, I went in like reading the Bible, front to back. Aa words first – there you find Aaron, and him in the Book of Exodus, brother
of Moses, founder of Jewish priesthood. Aardvark – that animal with a tube nose that eats
the ants of Africa. [...]
You could keep reading the dictionary that way – front to back, straight as a dart – or
you can get to aardvark and then skip to Africa, then skip to continent, then skip to nations,
then skip to colonialism, then skip over to empire, then skip back to apartheid in the section – that happened in South Africa. Another story. When I was on the letter W in the Oxford
English Dictionary, wiray would be in that section, it means “no.” Wiray wasn't there
though, but I thought I'd make it there. Wheat was there, but when I skipped ahead not
our word for wheat – not yura. So I thought I'd make my own list of words. We don't have
a Z word in our alphabet, I reckon, so I thought I'd start backward, a nod to the backward
whitefella world I grew up in, start at Y – yarrany. So that is the once upon a time for you.
[...]
where is your country? – dhaganhu ngurambang? The question is not really about
a place on the map. When our people say Where is your country, they are asking something
deeper. Who is your family? Who are you related to? Are we related?
There's a story I read about someone who wanted to build a map that was the scale 1:1
so that the map covered all the oceans and all the mountains and land at its true size.
That made the girls laugh when I told them – imagine walking underneath and holding
the thing above your head in the dark? That's a little what a map does, takes the light out so
you can't see. The map isn't the thing, this country is made of impossible distances, places
you can only reach by time travel. By speaking our language, by singing the mountains
into existence.